Room for Patience

Ash Wednesday? Already?!

2012-02-22T10:56:00.000-08:00

So, Lent is here. Yeah, I knew that was going to happen. On Monday, I told myself, "Hey, tomorrow is Fat Tuesday! It's Lent time!"

Imagine my surprise when Tuesday arrives, and it actually clicks in my brain.

Tomorrow is Lent?! Aw man! Just hook up the intravenous Mountain Dew drip now, because someone forgot to do her indulging until Tuesday afternoon...

In all seriousness, though, Lent is such a beautiful time of year. In the 40 days leading up to Easter, it's a designated time within which to join fellow Christians in doing a bit of self-reflection and sacrifice. It's an opportunity to consider Christ's life, His sacrifice and devotion to us, and how He did the unfathomable.

All. For. Us.

My initial plan was to give up pop (that's soda, to you West Coasters) for Lent. Then I changed my mind. While I still plan on reducing my penchant for the carbonated, it seems too superficial and unimportant to me to give up during this particular season.

In its place will be the deliberate ignoring of the hit counter on this blog.

Sure, I write because I love to write. I'd even go so far as to say that I need to write. But I also have the insatiable need to know if anyone actually reads any of it, which is not what this should be about.

Galations 5:25-26 Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives. Let us not become conceited, or provoke one another, or be jealous of one another.

I don't want to get caught up in anything other than writing what God puts on my heart. So for Lent, there will be no looking at the traffic stats at Room for Patience. There will be no obsessive comparing of my somewhat sloppy layout to those refined and established layouts of veteran bloggers.

Just internet fellowship, and the postings of my theological and intellectual curiosities pertaining to the Faith.

Christianity ≠ Being Cool?

2012-02-20T00:00:00.001-08:00

A few weeks ago I asked my sister-in-law, who is a 13 year-old Christian, what sort of issues she and her Christ-following peers are facing these days. What concerns are on the minds of young Christians?

One of the things she wanted advice on was how to be considered cool amongst her friends while maintaining her faith.

Truthfully, at times it feels like Christians of all ages are waiting for the answer to this one...

It may be difficult to admit, but it's not always easy to live an openly convicted life to Christ, and still be considered cool with our non-Christian peers. It's something we all occasionally deal with. I can remember this particular desire often leaving me feeling disengaged from certain friends. A spectator along for the ride, who made sure not to do anything questionable myself, while the Christian in my head would question if I should even be there at all.

Regardless of who we are, we all have a target audience whose attention and approval we'd like to have.

Perhaps the answer is that we need to not be bothered by it.

We have to deal with our convictions to Christ, first. Whatever comes after that, just be who you are. God gave us interests, talents and personalities that will draw us to the people who are supposed to be in our lives.

He doesn't make mistakes, and if we follow what He's put in our hearts, we should be just fine.

Matthew 10:32 Whoever acknowledges me before others, I will also acknowledge before my Father in heaven. But whoever disowns me before others, I will disown before my Father in heaven.

Holy Mary.

2012-02-20T00:00:00.000-08:00

Luke 1:26-35 ...God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin’s name was Mary. The angel went to her and said, “Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.”

Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God. You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over Jacob’s descendants forever; his kingdom will never end.”

“How will this be,” Mary asked the angel, “since I am a virgin?”

The angel answered, “The Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God.

It never ceases to bewilder me how so many Protestants overlook, dismiss, or are even disgusted by the inclusion of Mary in our Christian faith.

Why is this?

I realize that not every Protestant detests Mary. Still, I find the fact that so many of us don't think of her at all is just as painful.

I'm reminded back to my days of after-school Bible study, and our student leader, Randy. He was a rather loud boy, whose intentions were usually of a good nature. This day, however, a bunch of us walked in on his confrontation with a fellow Bible studier, who also happened to be Catholic. Randy was discounting her beliefs, wildly declaring her a Mary worshiper. With Randy leaving her with no room to speak, she burst into tears, instead.

Those of us watching sat there in confusion. At the time, I had little to no idea the details of Catholicism, or that Mary was especially respected within the denomination. Whatever Randy thought he knew must have stemmed not out of knowledge, or fellowship between between denominations, but was born out of assumptions and a lack of education.

By taking the time to apologize to our friend, Randy came to know that both his assumptions and his outburst were wrong. Out of the confusion and hurt, however, came my first acknowledgment of who Mary really is.

Mary was chosen by God to carry our Lord and Savior in her womb.

No lottery or stroke of whimsy could ever determine such an amazing responsibility. The single fact that God chose her should be enough for us to respect and remember this woman.

Thought to be only a young teenage girl upon Gabriel's visit, she did not say no to God, but embraced His will as her own. Risking her future marriage, her reputation, her life. Dedicating the rest of her life to bringing up and protecting this child who would become our Saving Grace.

Accompanying Jesus in his ministry, never doubting His true identity, when even Jesus' own brothers declared him to be out of his mind (Mark 3:21).

Jesus, in His last moments of life on Earth, adopting his beloved mother unto His trustworthy disciple, John. (John 19:26-27).

She was a woman who followed God's plan for her willingly. No matter what.

Talking about Christ

2012-02-16T13:58:00.000-08:00

I was in high school the last time I blatantly tried to reach out to a hurting loved one with Scripture. In the middle of my new-found zeal for Christ, I would leave decorated Post-It notes, or cards with relevant verses for my loved one to find. I figured, "Hey, this is what would comfort me. So I'll do it for you."

What I received back was nothing short of confusing anger, coupled with the demand to just knock it off already.

Bewilderment was the word, indeed.

A little more than ten years later, and it's only recently that I've come to see why my loved one may have been so very upset with me.

She thought I was preaching at her. To her, this was me saying that she was miserable because she was possibly doing something wrong, and that the Bible may be able to fix her. While there may have been other accusations or assumptions made about my intentions, this is the conclusion that seems most plausible to the situation.

In my previous post, I wrote about not knowing how it is I should be approaching loved ones struggling without Christ in their lives. How am I suppose to tell them, "Good news, guys! He's right here! And He just wants to love you, and be loved in return!!!"

Just... How?!

Thankfully, God is pretty good with His timing, and getting us in the right place. Wednesday morning found me sitting down at my computer, perusing my blogroll; these thoughts still strongly pressed in my head.

Eventually, I happened upon Jennifer's post, Gracious Evangelism. In it, Jennifer writes about her struggle with witnessing to people, and even hooked her readers up with a video, featuring Jonalyn and Dale Fincher--a hip, married couple who thrive off of Christ and spreading His Love for everyone to hear.

The Finchers shared their stories of meeting people where they are in life, loving them for the human beings they are, and the importance of stepping into their shoes.

Some of my favorites things they shared...

Allow others to remain unconvinced.

I want them to choose Jesus.We want them to bring everyhing they've got: Their minds, their emotions, their wills, their bodies. I don't want anybody to be convinced by some flimsy argument that I have, and I don't wan them to just pray a prayer because I'm asking them to. I want them to choose Jesus because that's what they really want.

We don't need to inform people. We need to do better loving them.

Perhaps my favorite part involved Jonalyn sharing about her time abroad, two girlfriends she made there, and where those two friendships are today.

Regardless of how comfortable you are with sharing your faith with others, I would definitely recommend watching their video. The message goes far beyond witnessing. Breaking it up into pieces suited my schedule just fine, and it was interesting enough that I kept finding pockets of time to return to it throughout the day.

Family separated by Faith...

2012-02-15T00:00:00.000-08:00

Today I acknowledged the existence of something I was never even looking for.

I saw God reflected through the unabashed love of my children. His pure, perfect love, emulating via their hugs and smiles. His enthusiasm for life evident in their tiny, clapping hands.

Then, alongside this beautiful truth came the ugly realization. If God can thrive inside of us, then, if we let him, Satan can too.

Sadder yet, is that I can also see the loathsome devil working inside people I love.

An abusive childhood--decades gone--haunting, hurting, and embittering the strong woman who left it behind.

An unfaithful husband being served divorce papers in front of the co-workers who he informed that the divorce happened last year.

A young man teeming with amazing talent, potential, lack of self-esteem, and cynicism.

And there's me. The one who can see all of this, but does not know what she will do about it.

How do I tell them that God loves them? How do I blurt out the hopeful phrase, that ironically, seems to cause more tension than comfort? More doubt than reassurance? More anger than calm.

How do I help them to get the devil off their back (and mine)?

Showing your faithfully-distanced loved ones God sure can be tricky. At the moment I can see no other way to handle it, other than to keep holding Christ's hand while attempting to walk the straight-and-narrow. To keep the prayers coming. To keep the potential for dialogue going.

People are People

2012-02-14T00:00:00.000-08:00

I don't know about you, but when I'm delving into various concepts within The Word, nothing helps drive the point home better than a little classic, 80s New Wave.

For me, lately, the concept has been better learning how to love. Amongst many other things, this is one thing Jesus said about love, which I think I will always be able to work on just a little bit more...

Matthew 5:43-48 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

A challenge if there ever was one. If Christ could find it within Himself to embrace all of us, why shouldn't I do the same? If I were to draw a line, there would be Almighty Jesus on one side, and the rest of us on the other. Alas. Christ didn't adhere to any such line, and decided to join all of us, instead.

That never ceases to amaze me...

And now, without further ado, the lyrical and musical genius of Depeche Mode; helping to convict me to Christ's morals since my lovely days as a melancholy youth...

People are people, so why should it be
You and I should get along so awfully?
People are people, so why should it be
You and I should get along so awfully?

So we're different colors and we're different creeds
And different people have different needs
It's obvious you hate me though I've done nothing wrong
I've never even met you, so what could I have done?

I can't understand
What makes a man
Hate another man
Help me understand

People are people, so why should it be
You and I should get along so awfully?
People are people, so why should it be
You and I should get along so awfully?

And now you're punching and you're kicking and you're shouting at me
I'm relying on your common decency
So far, it hasn't surfaced but I'm sure it exists
It just take a while to travel from your head to your fist

I can't understand
What makes a man
Hate another man
Help me understand

Charles R. Swindoll

2012-02-11T09:48:00.000-08:00

People who soar are those who refuse to sit back, sigh and wish things would change. They neither complain of their lot nor passively dream of some distant ship coming in. Rather, they visualize in their minds that they are not quitters; they will not allow life's circumstances to push them down and hold them under.

This was quoted in Candace Cameron Bure's book, Reshaping It All. Had to share.

Being the mother they need and deserve

2012-02-08T12:06:00.000-08:00

1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Kids are messy, try your patience, and some of them even excel in the art of the meltdown. Sometimes it's accidental. Other times, not so much... I know that if I don't ask God for help with how I compose myself throughout the day (and ask Him several times...), then I am rarely the mother I want to be for them.

Even at two years old, it's amazing to see how differently my boy responds to me when the day has had its tough moments, but I choose to respond with kindness and understanding in place of anger or annoyance. Usually, at the end of those days, I get the biggest hug he has in him.

His appreciation is clear, and it's one of those precious things that help remind me of the kind of mother I'm meant to be.

What helps to remind you to be the person God means for you to be?

Can you feel the love tonight?

2012-02-07T08:00:00.000-08:00

Edward's latest project has been building his Megablok car into a thing of grandeur. Kyra's latest project has been thinking of creative ways to smack the thing down.

I was able to Instagram this particular transaction, and have since named it Thrust of Heel.

See how she casually points out what she has done? Bless her little soul, sometimes this little girl just wants to see her big brother cry.

Honestly, we're working on sharing, and when to keep our hands to ourselves. But that takes time.

Suffer the little children in the interim, right?

You've Lost that Lovin' Feeling

2012-02-06T09:29:00.000-08:00

Recently, I've got that not-so-lovin' feeling. That feeling of simply going through the motions, and I sometimes ask myself, "Just what is it that you're doing?"

My faith is the biggest part of my life, and has been for a long time. It's not about wavering dedication or devotion toward God. No, my commitment is fully intact.

It has more to do with not knowing exactly where I am supposed to be, or what I'm meant to be doing. Certainly, I have my own notions of what I'd like to do. At some point, I usually end up telling myself that it just won't work.

Basically, I've been waiting for that lightning strike of an epiphany to tell me what I'm supposed to do with my life. To be quite honest, I'm not sure that that storm is coming.

And you know, perhaps waiting on it would be an insult to God, anyways. He didn't give me talents, ideas and notions just to sit around and wonder what to do with them. Oftentimes I'll be thinking about how cool it would be to write books about Christianity. Or to be a youth minister.

Alas. If I delve too deep into those notions of a religious education and career, I start asking myself the same old questions.

You want to write a book about Christianity? Who are you to do such a thing?

Making money off of God? How could you?!

It's thoughts like these that point me to the most harrowing thought of all.

I do not feel consumed by Him as much as I think I should be.

That is to say... All. The. Time.

Granted, I realize that not every single moment can be one of intense religious fervor. Somewhere along the line I got it stuck in my head that by not having an around-the-clock spiritual tingling, that I'm not meant to serve in certain capacities.

Perhaps it's time to acknowledge reason. No, I'm not going to feel emotionally raptured every second of every day. If it were that easy, we would all be Christians. Instead, we rely on our Faith in Christ to get us through the day-to-day. Adhering to the Bible helps us find the discipline we need to keep our lives focused on God and His will. Keeping an open dialogue with God--praying and listening for His response is what will lead us in the right direction.

It might not be the makings of 24/7 excitement, but it is the foundation for a lifetime relationship with our Creator. I think, for me, that is comfort enough to simply get up and Go.

Deceiving ourselves, but not Him

2012-02-04T13:07:00.000-08:00

While reading through the Gospel of Matthew this morning, it occurred to me how easy it can be to get caught up as a wolf in sheep's clothing.

Really, the proverbial wolf doesn't have to start out with bad intentions. If those intentions are not of God, however, it's possible for honesty and goodness can be derailed, and replaced by the mentality that we're serving the Church of Me.

Matthew 7:15 Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. 21 Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.

Even the best of intentions can sometimes go awry. At the end of the day, I am not the wolf, but unchecked feelings of being owed, being too proud of my works...

Hidden feelings like these are the sharp, but quiet wolves that lie within, and they can keep us from God. As tough as it may be, we need to try and not get caught up in ourselves. If we are to be like Christ, we need to not worry about pleasing others. There is no waiting for praise and pats on the back that we may think we're owed.

Is it more important to look like a, "good Christian," or to have an authentic connection to God? Are you checking to see if you've met the criteria of your peers, or are your looking to see if you've allowed Christ to walk alongside you?

I think it's important that throughout the day, we ask ourselves who it is we're trying to emulate. Who are we trying to please? Does the current path lead toward the ultimate title of Christ Follower, or False Prophet?

Striving to put God and His will first is a beautiful and gratifying way to live our lives. It's also worth mentioning, that as long as you're sincerely aiming for Him, you're doing alright. He'll light your way accordingly. God is not going to ask you to be someone you aren't meant to be. With Him, there is no need to try and save face.

It's been a while

2012-02-02T21:24:00.000-08:00

My internet dormancy might make it seem as if I've gone away, but the actuality is that this couldn't be further from the truth.

No, I haven't abandoned yet another blogging endeavor, but have instead been using my time away to get all introspective on my intentions, and where I'm at in life. I've also been fruitlessly trying to keep a diaper on my two year old, but this is neither here nor there...

We've been in and out of church for most of January, which seems to be the one month of the year where all of us get slammed with some rendition of the flu.

Somewhere in the midst of dirty tissue, vomit buckets and Lysol, I decided to try my hand at working with teens at our church. The more I delve back into church life, I'm better able to recall the zeal and enjoyment I find in enveloping myself in that world.

There was a time years ago when I toyed with the idea of making a career out of working as a youth minister, or something along those lines, though for several reasons I dismissed it. Still, I've never ceased to feel gratitude toward my youth minister, and the young college women who volunteered to make our Wednesday nights worth remembering.

Ours is a society that tends to discount teenagers. Existing in the limbo between childhood and adulthood, no one seems to know what to do with them. Alas, if only we would stop and remember how impressionable and thoughtful teenagers are.

I'm praying that these feelings and notions root themselves further within me, in hopes that my own kids' teen years might be more bearable for them. I'd much rather them realize that their mother is not their misunderstanding parent, but rather as their biggest advocate in life.

Everyone deserves to be viewed in such a way. Considering my children have quite a way to go, I think I'll just relish each of their life stages, and see about being there for others, along the way.

Not Your Fault

2012-01-10T15:49:00.000-08:00

Awolnation's Not Your Fault has been my anthem for the last couple of months. As the mother of two children aged two and younger, I can tell that it's likely to continue being my anthem for quite some time.

Seriously, I couldn't write some of the bewildering scenarios those two babies manage to fit us into. I'm thankful that for the most part, I can look any given debacle in the eye and laugh, and at other times just be completely unaffected by it all.

After all, they're little ones. Their jobs are not to be neat, clean and convenient. On the contrary, their occupation is to take in everything around them. And while my kids are busy soaking up their surroundings, it is their clothing's job to soak up whatever beverage or bodily fluid is being distributed without my immediate knowledge.

These things should be expected, and typically, they are.

Then, there are days like today. Where all the elements of my life inside and outside of this home rendezvous in the center of my living room, insistent upon creating all different kinds of chaos until there is nothing left for this mama to do except crack.

And crack, I do. Two crying kids, a handful of Cheerios of Silence later, and I'm ready to love on my kids the way they deserve.

I turn to prayer, and ask Him for strength. I remember the concept of trading an earthly belonging for a Heavenly one. Colossians 3:8 mentions some of the more undesirable aspects of being human.

But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.

Colossians 3:12, on the other hand, features traits of a much more pleasant nature.

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

Easier said than done? Yes. Worth it? Totally. It's all about taking it one thing at a time. So for now, I'm trading anger for compassion, and trusting God to see me through on it.

Awolnation will likely be soundtracking me along the way, too...

What does that even mean?

2012-01-09T00:00:00.000-08:00

Living intentionally. Being purposeful.

Really?

These are some of the phrases I kept running into when I first began perusing Christian blogs. Interesting reading, sure, but phrases like these usually caused me to dismiss the author's credibility for speaking Christiansese.

Snotty of me? Yeah. Probably.

I wasn't on the search for religious fads and phases. I wanted to read from someone with authentic faith and words.

And then it happened. I began to hear those faddish and cliche words.

In my head!

See, the reason I had been making the rounds on Christian blogs in the first place, was in part a revival of my need and desire for God in my life. Wanting to go further with Him. To keep Him there with me all the time, and do what He would want me to do.

I started going back to church. Night time found me cracking open my Bible, and before I knew it, I was reaching for certain verses throughout my day.

Before long I was looking for the areas of my life where I could work on being more intentional in my devotion to family and God. Searching for the subtle, unhealthy habits and behaviors that were keeping me from being the kind of Christian I wanted to be. Making sure each deliberate action had a purpose.

My days of judging the use of Christianese are over. As it turns out, using it is one of the few accidental things there are about pursuing God. Perhaps it's only a matter of time before speaking such phrases becomes intentional.

2012-01-05T21:30:00.000-08:00

Well. Christmas has passed, the tree is down, and the snow never really came. It's safe to assume that I've been frequenting my phone's Christmas countdown app more than usual.

Five days into this new year, and I find myself feeling less fickle in my interests, more confident in my priorities, and moving in directions I once believed to be dormant in my mind. Not wanting to over-credit the turning of a new year, I have to admit that these things have been solidifying in me for the past year or so. Perhaps longer...

Dare I suggest, that while this site is still in its infancy, that Room for Patience may no longer be a military blog. To be clear, I love writing, and I love this military life we lead. Unfortunately, instead of posting anything of real merit, I find myself over-thinking possible content, only to be left uninterested and without a timely post.

Days move quicker, and weeks segue into months even faster. Time is not something I'll allow to be monopolized by things that mean little or nothing to me. While embracing our Air Force life and volunteering within it remain important to me, writing a military blog is proving both boring and inconvenient.

Considering, however, that writing is simply innate with me to the point that I need to do it, I'll be continuing forward with this blog. From this point on, Room for Patience (that name, I think I'll keep...) will be geared toward my faith life.

Since making the decision to be baptized when I was 16, much of my time has been spent thinking of and pursuing God. Not always evident through my actions, my voracious interest in literary things religious has never waned. Having spent years looking for where God wanted me to be, I spent more time inside books and outside of church, trying to go it alone.

Lately I've grown tired of keeping areas of my life separate. In seeking God both on an academic and personal, relationship-based level, life has somehow become sweeter than ever. The times I run to prayer find me a better mother to my kids, more astute to any sort of work in front of me, and more perseverant toward the busy and somewhat daunting future in front of me.

I'm doubtful that this blog will ever turn into some sort of online ministry, but should more or less chronicle any medium that finds me exercising my faith. For once, I'll be looking at blogging not as a means to any sort of end, but as a project. Working out my faith in public, per se.

Anyways, ending on that note... I was randomly flipping through an old Bible the other day, and found this:

2 Samuel 14:14.
All of us must die eventually. Our lives are like water spilled out on the ground, which cannot be fathered up again. That is why God tries to bring us back when we have been separated from Him. He does not sweep away those He cares about--and neither should you!

Good luck exploring the infinite abyss!

2011-12-19T06:43:00.000-08:00

Growing up, I was always told to relish wherever I was in life, since my impending adulthood would inevitably fly by. Though I never exactly dismissed the thought, it wasn't until recently that I began to understand its truth, either.

So here we are. Five years into the the military, with at least five more lying ahead. Beyond that is anybody's guess.

With reading other milspouse blogs comes the realization that some of these couples are destined to be military lifers. At this point, anyway, they seem to have it all figured out. Unafraid of the uprooting whimsy that is military life, they look at their future and accept its contractual, yet indefinite terms together.

The more I think about it, I envy them.

While it's possible that our affair with the Air Force could last just as long, it remains uncertain. We look ahead one contract at a time, not knowing what comes next. It's only after life quickly sweeps more time under the rug that we realize it's time to make that decision about reenlistment at least one more time.

Perhaps all I need is a perspective adjustment, but some days this leaves me unable to look past the years of my husband's current contract. We're living life to its fullest and preparing for the future, but after a certain point I find myself staring into the infinite abyss.

Ah, but isn't that the truth for us all? Sure, it looks different to everyone, but no one is exempt from questioning what will become of them in the future.

It seems that the best I can do is make my plans, see them through, and accept that this is simply the structure and foundation needed for life to create something bigger than me.

...

Challenge accepted.

Key Spouses: Who They Are, What They Are Not

2011-12-14T11:50:00.000-08:00

Sometimes key spousing is no fun.

A look inside my key spouse binder. Specifics blurred out.

Our squadron's updated deployment list came out last week. Upon looking it over, I commented to Hubs that one of his friends is deploying soon. While this isn't news to him, my comment was more to the effect of, "Hey! This is one of the guys whose wife you said was nice. And I need friends..."

To which Hubs sympathetically replied, "Yeah... She doesn't really like your group."

Oh.

My group, by the way, is not what this woman thinks it is. According to a handful of people, though, my group exists only to do petty things.

For them, to be a key spouse is to pretend one has authority over non-key spouse spouses. It means holding social gatherings in order to talk about the people who aren't there. It is about holding my husband's rank high up in the air for all to see. To be a key spouse is to be an elitist snob.

Alas. That is not what I do. As a key spouse to our squadron, I check up on and extend myself to the families of our deployed. As a key spouse, I send out mass e-mails to make sure our squadron is aware of what our base has to offer them. When they end up in the hospital, I call and see if there is any way to help. Childcare? Short-term chauffeur? Meals until you're back on your feet? Done. If I don't have an answer, let me call someone who will.

Sure, there is a social side to being a key spouse. We also arrange monthly social gatherings. Playgroups. Book clubs. Dinners and holiday events. We have the hope that there will be something for everyone. Even if it has to be subgroups, it is our hope to instill an actual sense of community.

Once a month our squadron's key spouses get together to discuss how well we've been keeping up with our assigned duties. We work together to figure out what is working and what can be done better in order to help spouses feel welcome and at home. There are four of us and about eighty families. Of the four of us, I am the only spouse whose husband is enlisted. The officer's wives express some concern over the fact that a few of their charges refuse to accept their help. They have used mutual acquaintances to play telephone, informing the key spouse group that they will not speak with officers' wives, "because they know how they are."

As I understand it, there are spouses out there who wear their husband's rank. The women I know, however, are not those women. Nor are they cookie-cutter renditions of one another. Regardless of whether they are married to an officer or an enlisted man, all of these women are Air Force Wives. They remember their own times of need, and how the help they did or didn't receive affected them. As they balance the various aspects of their personal lives--which still include deployments--they also choose to take on the work of a key spouse, and take that responsibility seriously.

My final priority as a key spouse is this: to bite my tongue and cap my pen, lest I send certain folks Thinking of You cards pointing out the sad irony which lies in calling their key spouses snobby, elitist women.

Friday Correspondence: Holidays Away from Home

2011-12-09T20:20:00.001-08:00

With the holidays fast approaching, my mind turns toward the families who are missing deployed loved ones. Toward the deployed who are missing loved ones back home.

These days we're fortunate to have such things as Skype and e-mail to better keep in touch, but even so, there are service members who remain unattainable. Due to the nature of a mission, or perhaps for being encapsulated in a submarine deep below, sometimes communication is once again slow in nature.

Image and excerpt courtesy of War-Letters.com

PVT. Philip White, who was in France during Christmas of 1945, often wrote to his young daughter, Jackalyn. With Christmas Day being no exception, I can only begin to imagine how badly the distance between Philip and his family must have felt during such cold and dire days.

Dear Jackie,

I sure would have liked to been there and seen your face when you saw your new doll this morning. I hope the one Daddy sent got there on time. If not I know you will enjoy it just as much when it does finally come. I also hope it has real hair and is just what you like. When daddy does get home, he will let you pick out one, to your liking.

I hope Santa treated your pretty good this year. I heard him say that maybe he would get you a pair of skis. you must be careful of these skis and not get in the road. Daddy didn't go down to the Red Cross for the Christmas Tree. The boys have just brought to Kids up here to see a movie. They are real cute and clean. I now that I had gone.

N.Y - N.Y.
Wed. morning

I didn't get this finished last night so will close and mail now. We aren't leaving until 5:00 P.M. Most of the boys are pulling out at 10:00 A.M. I think that you will be able to find Heidelburg on the maps because it is a good size city. A Nazi stronghold and the home of Heidelberg University. I have written this once before but this once may get them first

All my Love
Philip.

Reading PVT. White's letter*, the affection for his family pours through every word, and I find myself hoping and praying that he had a safe homecoming. While I read no suggestion of when he came home, his letters do indicate that he survived the war, as the last of the lot is dated in 1946 (official end date of WWII is September 2, 1945).

Indeed, I find nothing wrong in allowing myself the image of Jackalyn enveloped in a long-overdue hug from her father, as the entire family gathers around Philip at his homecoming.

*A portion of PVT. White's letter has been excerpted from this post, but can be found in its entirety at the letter's website.

A day late, but...

2011-12-08T12:27:00.001-08:00

For the anniversary of the attack on Pearl Harbor, December 7, 1941, I would like to say Thank You.

Thank You to Everyone who has ever chosen to place themselves between our country and any threat that may come upon it. You are truly appreciated.

Bringing Home Movies Back

2011-12-04T21:30:00.001-08:00

Tonight I finally unloaded all of the videos off my Flip. It was heartwarming, to say least. Movies of my son, barely a year old and scrambling after the cats. Toward the end I noticed only two recent videos, both featuring our two kids playing with their daddy in a sea of toys.

It's a bit disappointing that the past eight or so months have been devoid of any new home movies. Realizing that my daughter's crucial first year has gone by with barely any video footage is a sad thing. I'm resolved from now on to keep the camera at hand, lest we one day simply be left with, "Remember when they were little..."

Especially with Hubs set to deploy some time in the upcoming months, I'd like nothing more than to send him off with a hard drive or DVD full of our recent memories as a family.

Our first deployment was by no means fun, but it was at least bearable for our son, who was a little over a year old at the time. Between Skype and keeping Daddy in the conversation while he was gone, E never really skipped a beat.

Ah, but now E is two-and-a-half, and Daddy is his world. At nine months old, our daughter is also extremely aware of the comfort she finds with her dad.

In no way am I looking forward to putting those children to bed that first night with Hubs away.

Yes, the camera will stay on. Not only for him, but for us back at home.

While it will be nice for us to see our previous romps and interactions on the TV, and we'll be mostly dependent on Skype to keep in touch, I feel like there is more to be done for our children. I'm paranoid that as the months go by, they'll figure out that Daddy in the TV is not someone to be interacted with.

Now, really. What am I suppose to do for these children who seemingly believe that the sun shines out of their dad's posterior?

Keeping with the theme of video, the USO program United Through Reading seems like a good place to start. The program invites deployed parents to have themselves recorded while reading a book to their child. The USO will then have the video mailed to the child, who can then share story time with their deployed loved one.

While United Through Reading is isn't available at every deployment site, it is available at quite a few. It's worth giving your base or post library a call to see if they partake in the program, or if they provide similar services before your spouse deploys. My husband tends to err on the shy side, so we'll be recording our interactive reading experience here at home.

What a fortunate thing it is to live in an era where technology can assist families in feeling close to one another when they're oceans apart. It's the thought of that upcoming distance that will help keep my memory-keeping habits in check.

Writing Ourselves Into History

2011-12-04T14:10:00.001-08:00

History is an intense thing.

History is not some dry and overwith experience found inside of a text book. Regardless of whether you think you’ve heard the story or not, there will always be another side. Not only that, but each side inevitably contains a wealth of emotions.

Never before have I been so thankful for the preservation of historical documents, as recently I began researching wartime correspondence. As it turns out, there are entire foundations whose sole purpose revolves around the preservation of documents created during our American wars.

The Legacy Project, established in 1998, seeks to preserve letters written by American servicemen throughout the years. Their website provides instructions on how to preserve documents of varying age and condition, and also encourages the owners of letters and e-mails to send copies to the foundation.

With the help of several thousand volunteers, The Legacy Project has been able to publish four books, each filled with letters covering a different aspect of life for the deployed servicemen. Letters and photos also go on to be featured in museums or memorials, where visitors can glimpse for themselves the words and sentiments of heroes long gone by.

The Love Letters Project, created by the Missouri History Museum, is another beautiful endeavor honoring a Union soldier and his wife. When James E. Love enlisted during the Civil War, he kept correspondence with his wife Molly. The Love Letters Project aims to publish each of James’ letters 150 years to the date he penned them.

Having come across these collections of letters has inspired me to include a similar endeavor here at Room for Patience. From this point on, Fridays will be reserved for excerpts and photos of wartime correspondence between service members and their loved ones at home.

How can there ever be enough recognition for this brand of communication? Living between each word is the sort of emotion that can only be found in a person who has discovered just how much they have to live for. Receiving such a letter injects its addressee with the sort of feeling that leaves them wondering if that unopened envelope can actually be real.

I consider it a gift that over 200 years after the first American war letters were written, that today we get to read them, preserve them, and we get to share them.

To end, please allow me to share an excerpt from James Love’s letter dated December 3 or 4, 1861.

I hope all is for the best. I wish to have a long conversation with you when I return. I’ve had many things to say for some time but in the unsettled not to say worse state in which I & all were in I could not begin did not know where to begin – while I seemed so much on the downward grade

My dearest girl I write in much haste & with sincerest love & esteem

I am
Ever yours
James E. Love

Out On A Limb

2011-12-02T14:09:00.000-08:00

Recently as I sat in on a key spouse meeting, I was told to be at the ready to help out a woman whose husband is deployed. At the moment she is on our squadron’s do not contact list, but recently found herself calling one of our colonels to help get her to the emergency room. Much to our relief, she is going to be okay.

In instances like these I’m so thankful to be part of a squadron that is tight knit enough that people can feel comfortable enough to approach at least one person in their times of need. Still, I’m left wondering what made this woman decide to put herself on the do not contact list in the first place.

Has she had negative experience with a prior squadron? With our squadron? Is she shy, or feel that she is better off going it alone, instead of bothering someone?

Whatever her reasoning, I can only hope that in time she’ll consider accepting the invite to be cared for by others within the squadron. We may not all come here knowing one another, but this is a world wherein the help of a previously unknown face can be what gets us through the day.

Choosing military life can set one up for a lonely experience. There is little to no room for reclusiveness if we are to thrive under our unique circumstances. Sometimes the only thing keeping us from being truly friendless is our willingness to let others in, even when every internal fiber wants nothing more than to resist an offer for help, or to turn down that slightly awkward invite for coffee.

Keep in mind that that slightly awkward invite for coffee stemmed from someone putting herself out there.

Do yourself a favor, and take it. Take a chance to move past your comfort zone, and the most you lose is an hour or two of your time.

What you have to gain is substantially more.

Room for Patience

2011-11-19T16:06:00.000-08:00

Military moves are nothing if not interesting. Frantic pets. Rambunctious children. Eagle-eyed adults who, despite their best efforts, still end up with a dirty litter box on the moving truck.

No matter your family make-up, living the military lifestyle is something one adapts to. While that lifestyle may look different from one family to the next, there are still several factors they all have in common.

It is learned that cross-country moves are not cause to put life on hold. Instead there is planning and research that allow for future career, volunteer, or academic endeavors to be seamlessly pursued from one PCS to another. Thankfully, PCSing also grants the opportunity to start anew, and perhaps slow down for a time.

Personal touches hold dual purpose of memory-keeping and beautifying even the most outdated of base housing. The idea of home becomes less dependent on the house or the things in it, but more about the lives of the people who occupy it.

Creating and keeping traditions–both for one’s self and the family–becomes ever more important when the promise of deployment hangs over everyone’s heads.

All of the aforementioned may sound persevering and heartwarming. And it is. Alas, familial bonding and being active in the community does not happen overnight. Nor does such strength and bliss seem apparent all the time. Like anything else worth having in life, it requires all the internal energy a person has. Communication, empathy, understanding, creativity, flexibility, and perhaps the toughest of all… Patience.

At the end of the day, the military family finds itself handling the same everyday grind, garnished with a little something more. It requires service members to leave their loved ones for months at a time, sometimes with little to no notice. It teaches spouses to confirm that all the paperwork–bills, power of attorney, orders, the wills–are kept safe and current. It keeps children wondering how easy it will be at the next base to make new friends.

Being a military wife, these are circumstances I have signed on for. From the beginning, the ups and downs have not always been clear to me, but I am choosing to embrace it as we go along. As a wife, mother, and journalist, I’ll be using this blog as an outlet to further delve into and explore what military life has to offer.

With no decisive end to our military life in sight, I am choosing to embrace and explore, in doing so leaving certain aspects of my once-rigid life plan aside. While it may not always be easy, it has always been worth it, and I refuse to believe that this whimsical, somewhat transient life has to bethat hard.

That is why regardless of where the military decides to plant us, it is always best to make room for patience.